Recently, I've noticed a pattern in my conversations with people from back home. Its a combination of "I miss you", "I can't wait to see you", or "Only (x) days until I'm home". It dawned on me a few days ago, that this is the reality of a life abroad. Days strung together with a million 'I miss yous' in between until I get to see my people face to face again. Sure, I'm having the adventure of a lifetime. But back home, the world is still spinning and its a world that I'm not in. This realization brought about a feeling that has been present for a while now. F E A R.
From the moment I got to Costa Rica, I feel like I've been fighting to be here and be there. It seems silly, really. That for months I pushed hard to leave Phoenix. Then I get here, and all I can think about is the people I left behind. No, I'm not homesick. I’m afraid.
And if I’m being honest, I'm afraid all the time. I’m afraid of what I will be or what I won't. I'm afraid of pursing a life abroad and I'm afraid at the thought of moving back to the states. I’m afraid to follow my passions and I fear a life without them. And if we’re all being honest, I think we are ALL afraid ALL the time.
The Bible talks about fear a lot. Take for instance, Jesus walking on water. Its just before dawn and Jesus heads out to his disciples boat. And in typical Jesus style, He walks on the water towards the boat. When the disciples see him they think its a ghost. So naturally, they are afraid. But Jesus sees their fear and quickly calls out, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” And being the smart alec disciple he was, Peter responds, “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.” Jesus says, “Come.” So Peter steps out of the boat and begins to walk towards Jesus (No big deal). And then the bible says this, “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!”
I will be the first to admit, I am totally Peter. I easily see the adventure in what Jesus is calling me to until it gets scary. Then I sink. But when I look up, Jesus is there to save me. Always.
This past weekend I had the privilege of hearing a very wise man speak. He also happens to be the Vice President of Young Life International and a good family friend. He said this,
“Jesus leads fearful people to take courageous actions” -Marty Caldwell
Isn't this the truth? This world we live in, its scary. And most of the time it sucks. It feeds a lot of my fears. But Jesus, He loves us so much. And he has prosperous plans for our lives. It says so in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The fear, it will probably always linger. But it certainly won't stop me.
I wish I could say that I have all the answers. That this post could be titled “10 ways to not be afraid”. But this isn’t just another link on your Facebook timeline and it wouldn’t be the truth.
So here is my very jumbled conclusion. Walk on water. Have a little Faith. Fix your Eyes on Jesus. Allow Him to give you Courage and the ability to be Bold. It is OK to be afraid. But don’t give it the power to cripple you. We are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. So lets start living like we have a creator who loves us so much He sent His son to die for us.
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
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